Hello boys and girls, it's Back to School time, and in honor of this wondrous (for parents) occasion, I am dedicating my blog to five of the worst schools that fiction has to offer (please take a look at my # 5 & # 4 entries if you haven't already). So, while you may bemoan how your teacher's grading scale is unfair, or how they show up to study hall hung over, be thankful that you don't have to attend...
THE SCHOOL: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
PROS: You get to learn magic, and not just of the "if you pray real hard, you might get something you want" variety, no, this is full-on god-like powers kind of magic, which when wielded properly is really, really awesome.
PROS: You get to learn magic, and not just of the "if you pray real hard, you might get something you want" variety, no, this is full-on god-like powers kind of magic, which when wielded properly is really, really awesome.
Improper use, on the other hand, can be quite unpleasant.)
Also, you get this top notch magical education in an authentic (if surprisingly roomy) medieval castle, and with some of the best medical care that magic can provide!
Yes, we can even fix that.
CONS: Confusing layout. School promotes class/gang warfare and slavery. Understaffing/dangerously negligent hiring standards. Lax security. The fact that you probably will get mutilated at some point during your stay.
I'm not even going to get into the possibility of ghost molestation and the casual acceptance of date rape drugs (better known as love potions).
The problems at Hogwarts are myriad and entire books have been dedicated to describing all of them (they're called the Harry Potter series). Among the most benign of them is the fact that Hogwarts is poorly laid out. It's common knowledge that Hogwarts' halls are constantly shifting with the layout very rarely lining up the same way twice. On good days this could lead to students being late (most teachers will still punish you for being late, even considering the school's conniving against you), on bad days it could lead to serious injury or death.
Apparently OSHA doesn't exist in the wizarding world.
The various magical creatures/enchanted paintings/spirits & poltergeists/curses that roam the hallways do not help this matter any.
Oh look, Nearly-Headless Nick's taken mescaline again!
The social aspects of Hogwarts are even more worrying. Like many a private school, students are sorted into houses. Unlike most schools with houses, Hogwarts has a house that is widely regarded as pretty much entirely evil.
Yeah, we're more or less entirely awful.
Despite the proven risks and track record of Slytherin house, no additional counseling or mediation is provided to these students to steer them away from their probable future in evil. If anything, this probability is embraced and encouraged with students in this house often proclaiming their racial superiority based on blood purity. Do we ever once see these students taking sensitivity seminars, or even be told that using racial slurs against other students is wrong?
Though for a school that holds hundreds of these guys as slaves (willing though they may be in this twisted universe), maybe that shouldn't be that much of a surprise.
Of course, considering the staffing problems Hogwarts has, maybe they should be excused for some of the deficiencies in educational standards (including such things as no formal writing or mathematical education). With a school that has at least 300 students (though Rowling herself says there are about 1,000), there are only about 20 adults above the age of 18 to wrangle them, and that's if we're including the support personnel who are often not the most helpful people in the world.
This guy just radiates trustworthiness, doesn't he?
The only qualifications we seem to see these teachers requiring is a simple desire to teach. As the rotating group of Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers has proved, competence (in the case of Gilderoy Lockhart) and the lack of a criminal record (in the cases of Remus Lupin and Severus Snape) are not particular requirements. Indeed, we have seen classes composed entirely of students staring at smoke (Divination), staring at worms (Care of Magical Creatures) and staring at a narcissistic lunatic staring at himself (Defense Against the Dark Arts under Gilderoy Lockhart). Not once does the administration intervene or try to impose anything resembling a lesson plan (and the one time a lesson plan is installed by an outside force, it is viewed as the worst thing in the world.)
Though in this particular case, it actually was.
In fact, the regularity with which evil sneaks into the school is alarming, considering that Hogwarts is supposed to be one of the most secure places in the Wizarding World. Indeed, there are so many documented ways to sneak in (including, but not limited to, vanishing cabinets, polyjuice potion, animagi, secret passages, elf magic and the Room of Requirement, among others) that one must wonder if student safety was ever a concern to the administration at Hogwarts.
Sure, the beard and glasses make him look smart, but he's actually quite careless.
Which leads into the final, and perhaps most impressive point: if you attend Hogwarts, you will get hurt. Over the course of the series, nearly every student is in some way mutilated or injured seriously enough to be sent to the hospital wing for an extended period of time. From magical accidents and wizard duels to exploding potions and vicious animal attacks, Hogwarts does not lack for ways to be terribly injured. They shrug this off because magical medical care is, well, magical, but if any responsible school had this many serious injuries in an average year, they would be closed down by the state.
Then again, the wizarding world's government doesn't exactly have the most reliable track record.
So what say you, dear readers? Anyone out there who would want to attend Hogwarts? Do you think you could survive a Defense Against the Dark Arts Class? Sound off in the comments! And as always, please drop me a line on Facebook or Twitter! I'm big into liking/following back!
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-- Matt Carter
(We know there's a lot of Matt Carter's online you could spend your time with, so thanks for hanging around this one!)
Facebook: http://facebook.com/mattcarterauthor
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MCarterAuthor
-- Matt Carter
(We know there's a lot of Matt Carter's online you could spend your time with, so thanks for hanging around this one!)
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